I wrote this over a year ago and choose not to post it on the grounds of being too snide and snippy. Well it's still pretty snide and snippy, but since I'm working on another show (details to come shortly) and it's clearly still needed, I present this for your educational enjoyment:
After watching several audiences come and go this past week and having seen many more previously, I feel the need to present some remedial advice. At least when I was in Elementary School, we would have performances sometimes and teachers would spend countless hours reminding the class to "sit still" and "don't talk." However, it appears that a large segment of the Bay Area population was absent that day, so I helpfully present Zach's Guide to Attending the Theatre.
1. The lobby: the lobby exists for one purpose, to give you a place to be when you are not in the theater. It is not your living room and it isn't a place to hang out. Before the house is open, by all means sit in the lobby and relax, but when the doors are open, go inside! Other people are waiting for the show to start and if you are off sitting in the lobby until the front-of-house staff hunts you down and sends you in at the last minute, they will have to wait longer to see the show. It isn't nice to keep people waiting you know? Same thing goes for intermission, if you are going to the bathroom or getting a drink, great! Do so! But when you are done, go back to your seats, it will make everything so much quicker.
2. Seats: Seats also have only one purpose, holding your rear end so you aren't sitting on the floor. They are not intended as footrests, nor as playstructures. Please please please try not to rest your feet on the seat in front of you or climb over the seats. It just looks silly. Theaters have aisles for a reason you know?
3. Leaving Seats: When the show is over: leave. This doesn't mean tackle everyone else in your row so you can get out really quickly, but at the same time, don't just sit there. People seem to think that if they wait around long enough, the cast of Our Town is going to come out and do a special surprise performance of Avenue Q for free. Likely story... The folks who work in the theatre have work to do and folks sticking around in their seats after the show are just in the way.
4. Food: Don't eat in the theatre or drink anything but water in a bottle with a cap. It extremely rude to those performing to have people munching like they are in a movie theater. This should be reason enough, but more importantly, it makes a mess. While I of course know that you are competent enough to eat and drink without trashing your immediate area, a surprisingly large portion of the population has not mastered this skill. Therefore, just don’t do it.
5. Cameras, video cameras, cell phones, and pagers: One word: don’t. Reason: obvious. Doctors on call are excepted from the cell phone/pager requirement when set on vibrate (the phone, not the doctor).
Posted by zach at August 24, 2004 7:27 AM