March 28, 2005

A Simple Lesson

Hi sexy! I must admit that my gf and I are hopelessly hooked on The Simple Life: Interns. It's such a delightful trainwreck and we find ourselves starting to talk like Paris and Nicole. I figured I would share what we've learned with everyone.

Rule 1 - Greeting

When meeting people for the first time, or longtime friends, greet them with Hi sexy. It is also appropriate, when meeting boys under 18, to ask if they are still virgins. For girls under 18, you should ask if their boyfriends are well-endowed.

Rule 2 - Displays of emotion

If you encounter something that fills you with joy or glee, or really any emotion at all, one is to proclaim That's hot. This adjective is gender-neutral, and doesn't have to be applied to anything in particular. Example:

Nicole - That woman has purple warts on her face.
Paris - That's hot.

Rule 3 - Gratitude

When given something, show gratitude the old fashioned way, by saying "thank you", but with a new twist: thanks, bitch. This can also be used in other situations to express feelings of closeness and caring, e.g. Goodnight, bitch, which affirms that you appreciate the other person and are glad that they are a part of your life.

Now that you're armed with these new tools, go forth and spread the word. Thanks, bitch!

Posted by pinkerton at March 28, 2005 9:10 AM